Domestic violence differs from normal relationship tension and disagreements in that, incidents of abuse or violence generally repeat themselves in a fairly clear pattern.  Victims of domestic violence do not live in situations of continual abuse; instead, there are periods in the violence cycle when abuse is not present. This does not mean that the abuse is random. There are specific phases to the cycle of violence that have been studied and well documented in the violence research.

The cycle is made up of three repeating phases:
     1) tension building;
     2) battering incident; and
     3) the honeymoon.

The First Phase of violence is the Tension-Building period.  During this phase the batterer engages in increasingly abusive behaviors such as name-calling, constant criticism, harassment, public embarrassment and humiliation, and minor battering incidents.  The victim typically reacts to these behaviors by rationalizing and/or denying the behavior and not recognizing that this represents the beginning of a cycle.  This denial and rationalization reinforces the perpetrator’s need for power and control and the victim often reacts by withdrawing and avoiding contact with the perpetrator so as to not ‘set him or her off.’

When the tension increases to a level above minor battering, the Second Phase of the violence cycle begins, the Battering Incident. This phase is represented by an act of physical, emotional, or sexual violence against the victim, often accompanied by severe verbal abuse.   It is typically short in duration, but the physical and emotional injuries inflicted by the batterer may take a lifetime to heal.  The perpetrator of domestic violence does not understand or acknowledge his/her anger during this phase, and the victim tends to blame herself/himself for provoking the abusive act.  The victim usually minimizes the abuse and the perpetrator quickly forgets what happened.

Enter the Phase, the Honeymoon Stage.  Because the victim will often respond with anger or threats after the abusive incident, the perpetrator begins to feel that he/she must apologize and act lovingly to the victim.  This stage is characterized by the giving of gifts, flowers, compliments, promises to change, and other non-threatening behavior on behalf of the perpetrator to the victim. This type of behavior encourages the victim to stay in the relationship and strengthens his/her sense of hope for positive change. Unfortunately, the cycle of violence is usually continuous. Without a change on behalf of the victim, Phase Three leads once again into Phase One – Tension Building.   

Top