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Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

Could You Be a Victim of Domestic Abuse?
Could You Be an Abuser?

Could You Be a Victim of Domestic Abuse?
The following is a list of questions taken the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, designed to assist you with assessing your relationship and educating you regarding some of the common characteristics of violent or abusive relationships. 
(Source – U.S. Office of Personnel Management)

Does your partner...

     Use emotional and psychological control?

  • call you names, yell, put you down, make racial or other slurs, or constantly criticize or undermine you and your abilities as a wife, partner, or mother?
  • behave in an overprotective way or become extremely jealous?
  • prevent you from going where you want to, when you want to, and with whomever you choose as a companion?
  • humiliate or embarrass you in front of other people?

     Use economic control?

  • deny you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, or a car?
  • control all the finances, force you to account for what you spend, or take your money?
  • prevent or try to prevent you from getting or keeping a job or from going to school?
  • limit your access to health, prescription or dental insurance?

     Make threats?

  • threaten to report you to the authorities (the police or child protective services) for something you didn't do?
  • threaten to harm or kidnap the children?
  • display weapons as a way of making you afraid or directly threaten you with weapons?
  • use his anger or "loss of temper" as a threat to get you to do what he wants?

     Commit acts of physical violence?

  • carry out threats to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or himself?
  • destroy personal property or throw things around?
  • grab, push, hit, punch, slap, kick, choke, or bite you?
  • force you to have sex when you don't want to or to engage in sexual acts that you don't want to do?

These are some of the most common tactics used by abusers to control their partners, but certainly not the only ones. If your partner does things that restrict your personal freedom or that make you afraid, you may be in an abusive relationship.

If you suspect that you may be involved in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship, remember that you are not alone. Millions of individuals are abused by their partners or other significant individuals each year. The positive news is that more resources are available then ever before to help victims be safe. This website will provide you with resources for assistance and tips regarding how you can get help from the workplace.

Having a verbally abusive partner was the variable most likely to predict that a person would be assaulted by an intimate partner  
(National Institute of Justice, July 2000)

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Could You Be an Abuser?

Beware of the Warning Signs

There are no psychological profiles that can specifically foretell who may be or may become a perpetrator of domestic violence. However, perpetrators will often show ‘signs’ or 'signals' of violence prior to committing an abusive act.

The following list of characteristics identifies behavior patterns that have been associated with batterers and other abusive people. Remember that domestic violence is characterized by a repetitive pattern of abusive behaviors over time. This list can be used to help identify whether or not someone you know may be in an abusive relationship.  

Verbal Abuse

  • Destructive criticism (name-calling, blaming; yelling; swearing; public humiliation)
  • Disrespect (interrupting; changing topics; ignoring the victim or others; putting the victim down in public; spreading rumors to family and friends)  

Attempts to Control Another Individual  

  • Pressure tactics (rushing a person to make decisions by using guilt or intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money or other privileges; manipulating children; ordering victim to behave in certain way)  
  • Unrealistic expectations (expects the victim to be perfect)  
  • Isolation (preventing the victim from seeing or talking with friends and/or family members)  
  • Economic control (interfering with work; taking away car keys or access to finances; threatening to report you to local social service agencies)  
  • Harassment (calling or visiting the workplace unexpectedly; stalking behavior; refusing to leave a place when asked)  
  • Abuse of authority (insisting to always be right; barking orders)   

Failure to Take Responsibility  

  • Abuse of trust (lying; withholding important information; cheating; acting overly jealous)  
  • Breaking promises (lacking responsibility for household duties, paying bills, or caring for children)
  • Emotional withholding (suppressing emotions or feelings; not providing support, attention, or compliments; lacking respect for others’ opinions, feelings, and rights)  
  • Denial (refusing to admit to the abuse or the consequences of the abuse; failing to accept responsibility for violence)  
  • Cruelty to others (abuses children and/or animals) 

Perpetrators of domestic violence tend to blame their victim(s) for the violence and rarely take responsibility for their own actions or the consequences of the violence.

If you suspect that someone in the workplace or your community may be a possible perpetrator of domestic violence, DO NOT confront this individual. Confronting a perpetrator may result in increased violence or battering to the victim.

Source: Adapted from ‘Domestic Violence: The Facts’ Peace at Home, Inc. and the Massachusetts Committee on Criminal Justice, 1995.

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Contact Goddard’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at 301-286-4600 or 800-247-3054 for additional information and/or assistance.

You can also call--toll-free-- the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 24-hours a day at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TDD).
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Last Modified 04/26/01